For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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