i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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