I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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