Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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