have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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