I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
