it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
