yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
