even my farts smell like vagina
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
