MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
