Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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