Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
