Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So drunk its hurt
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
