I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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