Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
