Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
