Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
