There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
