I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
