Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
