She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
