U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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