Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
