A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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