There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
