Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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