If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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