she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So squirting runs in the family.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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