last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
