I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
did i walk over a car last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
