he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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