You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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