worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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