I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
