You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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