I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
