I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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