So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
