Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
