hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
