i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
