I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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