i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
