Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
