38 yer olds are good kisserssss
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
