My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
