WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
