Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
NoShamevember. You game?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
