if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
