my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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