WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
