I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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